Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Widow Vs. The Dress

I'm going to take you on a little trip. Close your eyes and use your imagination.

Wait, no, scratch that, eyes closed would mean you can’t read this.

Ok just squint like you do when you are seriously concentrating.

Imagine one determined widow, working up the bravery to enter Macy's dress department. The scale has not worked in her favor since the death of her love. Still, she musters all her courage and enters with full confidence. (ok not really but I was trying).

Looking at the many racks of dresses, she of course heads straight for the clearance rack. Gotta be thrifty.

What should she choose?

Little black dress?
Hmmmm widow in black, yeah, thats original.

White and black combo?
Ok variation on a theme.

Kind of boring.

Fuscia, a little too un-boring.

Dress after dress....thoughts like...

Well maybe if I count calories.
Hmmmm, spanks anyone?
And so it goes.

Then, she finds it, the perfect dress, nice bright blue, nice neckline, sexy but not over the top.

Widow takes dress to dressing room, zipper up the back. Hmmmm, lets get creative, widow steps in dress and tries to zip it up herself to no avail.

Ok, maybe if she zips dress up halfway and pulls it over she can do the rest. Widow manages to pull dress over head AND oh no, she’s stuck, can’t get it past her boobs. SHIT! Now what? She wiggles and jiggles and starts to get it over and she hears a bad sound. Zipper has seperated in the middle...can’t move zipper up or down, dress is officially stuck. Widow stands in dressing room in bra and underwear and new dress as a necklace.

Now what? She tries moving it down, nope not budging, back up? Nope. She wonders if she should knock on the door of the dressing room beside her and ask for help.

One look in the mirror tells her this is a bad idea and should only be used as a last resort. Widow concentrates on zipper again, maybe if she can zip top half back up she can get zipper to lower...several attempts later another not so pleasant sound, but its movement of the zipper...widow sees this as success and repeats same pattern several times....aha....she gets zipper lowered...although uneven and not as it should be.

She is however FREE!

She quickly gets dressed in her jeans and t-shirt again and hangs dress back on hanger. She leaves it in the dressing room.

Goes back to rack, grabs new dress with non- injured zipper and purchases it.

Will have daughter help her zip it at home.

If it doesn’t fit??

Who needs a new dress anyway!!


  1. This was written some time ago, but I came upon it and decided this blog could use a little more humor!

  2. That was great!!!!!! Thanks for the laugh!!!!!

  3. OMG, Jeannie - this happened to me with a skirt in November! I was stuck in a dressing room in a Gap outlet store. I still don't know how I got out of that skirt...

    Love the posting!