Tuesday, January 1, 2013

"Status" Quo

     According to my Facebook I'm a married woman. I am married to Ben Miller, the father of my children and my husband (of almost thirteen years according to the law).  I imagine that's a little strange to the family and friends of my new boyfriend. ( And maybe mine too ).

     I'm a widow. I didn't have a choice in the matter. It's just the way it is. So when it comes to my Facebook I haven't wanted to undo or change my connection to Ben. That IS my choice. I know there are many who believe that once their spouse dies they have fulfilled that marriage bond. I grew up with a different faith that believes marriage and families are forever. I don't know what my beliefs are anymore. What I do know is at this point in time, I don't want to undo that tie that I have to Ben on my Facebook.

     I realize that not everyone will understand it or approve. That's ok. I don't expect them to. What matters to me is that my wonderful, amazing, incredible boyfriend DOES understand.  He understands this terrible loss that our family has gone through.  He has seen our tears and even wiped mine.  He has offered love and support.  He has perspective.  He knows how I feel about him.  I now want to tell you how I feel about him.  I feel so lucky to have him in my life.  I didn't know if anything would ever feel normal or good again. Turns out things still aren't normal, as we have a combined total of seven kids, 3 dogs, 3 cats, a snake and a bearded dragon.  It's a regular zoo when we are all together. Yet somehow it just works.  It does feel good again.  I find myself smiling and laughing everyday.  I see my kids doing the same.  I have no doubt that's what Ben would want for us.

So my unofficial Facebook status is this, married widow of Ben Miller... Happily in a relationship with Dax Parra.  I know I know, It's complicated doesn't even begin to cover it!