I have been waiting for the right time to write about my dating life. I guess I wanted to make sure it was something that would last. See, I actually tried to stop dating this man on three different occasions. I just didn’t feel ready to be romantic with anyone new. We actually agreed to just be friends because we had so much in common. It just soon became obvious to us both that there was something more.
His name is Adam. He lost his mother to suicide over ten years ago, so although he is not widowed, he does understand our loss. He spent a long time convincing me that although he wasn’t widowed, he could understand me and be supportive of the fact that I am still grieving. It has proved to be more difficult than he anticipated in some ways, yet he manages to be supportive and understanding in my grief process.
It has been strange in some ways. I have often felt like two different people. One who can laugh and be happy and feel love for someone again, and one who is so sad and confused about this amazing love that I lost.
One of my neighbors pointed out that I talk about Ben often around Adam (and otherwise). She went on to say that she could never date a widower. I cant imagine that it is easy. I do talk about Ben often and I am sure that I always will. He was my husband for almost thirteen years, my love for over fourteen. He is the father of my children. He is forever in my heart. Although it isn’t always easy, Adam does understand that and recognizes how important it is for the kids to feel comfortable talking about him.
The true test for me was over Christmas vacation when I had my wonderful in-laws, Vel and Lee come to visit. We had a nice dinner with them and some of Adams family. I think everyone was a little nervous about how that visit would go. Adam and my in-laws got to spend a little time together over the course of a few days. One of the first things Vel said to us was that she was glad that Adam was so different than Ben. I think it validated in her mind, that I too knew, that there was no one like Ben. She later told me that she thought Adam was perfect for our family. I told her that I have a tough time trusting my instincts after losing Ben the way I did. She told me to trust hers, that Adam is a “good one”.
I hadn’t realized how important it was for me that Vel and Lee liked Adam, that they approved of him. It meant so much to me because they raised Ben, they knew what I had in him, they knew exactly what I had lost because they lost him too. I knew without a doubt that they wanted the best for me and for their grandchildren.
I don’t know where this will lead. I don’t know what comes next. I do know I am grateful to have Adam in my life. For now, I am completely content taking one day at a time.