I couldn't quite put my finger on what was bothering me, I mean besides the obvious. Olivia's birthday is this month and I decided I better make a decision on where to have her birthday party. I talked with her about it and we decided on Pump it Up. This is a place where they have all kinds of bouncy castles and slides and the like. A child's dream! As soon as I hung up the phone it hit me like a ton of bricks! Last year Olivia has a gymnastics party. At her party Ben insisted on jumping on the trampoline, even though the place had a rule against any of the adults jumping. Ben always was a big kid! As he stepped off the trampoline onto that soft gymnastics floor, he rolled his ankle and it knocked him to the floor. His ankle immediately swelled up and I was sure it was broken. His two buddies that were there with their kids had to take him to the hospital as I stayed and finished the party with Olivia.
As I think back to that day, I can see it was the beginning of the end for Ben. He was already seeking the help of an endocrinologist for issues he was having with his weight. It turned out that his ankle was sprained so severely that it required surgery. It was his right ankle so he could not drive himself anywhere, and he obviously had a hard time getting around. Ben was such a dedicated man. He still had me take him to the gym every day, sometimes twice a day. He lifted weights for his upper body and went on the rowing machine for cardiovascular activity. With a cast on his leg! Who does that? My Ben.
I had to carry on without him, all the time worrying about him. Our little girl was having a birthday party and he wanted her to have a good day! This year, I will have to continue to carry on without him, but with no chance of going to get him after the party to bring him home. Oh how I wish I could bring him home.