Thursday, October 21, 2010

Forever Changed

On 3-10-10 life as I knew it was forever changed. My best friend and husband was dead. This in and of itself made absolutely no sense to me. Further complicating my grief is the fact that he took his own life. It has been over seven months and in many ways I am still stuck in the same place (mentally) trying to understand it.

Since that day, I have done so many things. I have moved with our three children across the country to a new place, to have a "fresh start". I have "healed" a little emotionally, but it doesn't take much to bring me right back to that day, back to the moment when I heard the tragic news.

I find myself wondering and thinking all the time, "How did this happen to me?", "How did this happen to us?". I believe I will never fully understand it.

So today, I sit in my new home, far away from where this tragedy occurred and am faced with the realization that I can not run from this pain. It followed me here. It is a part of me now.

For those of you that knew me before this, you know that I was a happy person, someone who found the good in most situations. I feel like that person is still here somewhere....she is here....finding her way in the dark.


  1. I came here from the board. I don't know if you've ever noticed my tag line, but if you have, don't forget the second part:

    Forever changed, but not forever broken.

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  3. She is there, I can feel her. You may be far away, a bit of a stranger now, but your light and your strength- that drew such an amazing man to your side is there. Holding your hand in the light and the dark.