Do you remember talking to your friends when you were younger about having "super powers"? Which power would you want to have? Being super strong? Being able to fly? How about being super fast? I remember always wanting to have invisibility. I imagined being able to listen to conversations, see any movie or concert undetected or play tricks on my friends and family.
During the past year I have had so many things going on in my life. However, I realized that the average person could not look at me and see my pain or my struggle. On a daily basis I go about my business undetected. Also, being in a town where I don't know very many people lends a hand to my staying "under the radar" of most people.
Many times in my journey, I have been told how strong I am. Which I know to be true as I am still breathing after living for nearly a year without the love of my life. However, there are times when I hear this and I am amazed that people don't see that I am so broken. How is it possible that this fact is not obvious? How is it that this gaping wound in my heart goes unnoticed, undetected, is seemingly unseen?
I suppose I am grateful that the wound is not evident to everyone. Answering questions about this situation is always difficult. It's funny how I often end up trying to make the person asking the questions feel better. I end up comforting them and assuring them that I am going to be okay. Although its not quite the way I imagined, I suppose I do have a little super hero in me.
I feel ya...I can relate to this post very much.
ReplyDeleteJeannie, such a wise post. I too find myself rushing to make people feel okay when I've told them my husband died - trying to head off what? I don't even know - worrying that they'll think I'm too damaged even to deal with? Being the happy clown so they're not afraid of me? Trying to be "normal" so I can fit in with the rest of the world again... even though I never feel like I really do?
ReplyDeleteI think we're all superheroes. Just don't feel like one most of the time...