Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Let the Music do the talking

*I took lyrics from songs that mean something to me and put them together to make this blog post. Just bits and pieces put together at random in a way that expresses how I feel today.*

You took my hand, you showed me how, you promised me you’d be around.

I took your words and I believed in everything you said to me…..

I wish I could touch you again, I wish I could still call you friend… I’d give anything.

I’ll keep you locked in my head, until we meet again. I won’t forget you my friend, what happened. That last kiss, I’ll cherish, until we meet again. And time makes it harder, I wish I could still remember.

I miss the sound of your voice. I miss the rush of your skin, I miss the still of the silence as you breathe out and I breathe in.

I’m here without you baby, but you’re still on my lonely mind. I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time. I’m here without you baby, but you’re still with me in my dreams. When it’s all said and done, it gets hard but it won’t take away my love.

Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend, somewhere alone in the bitterness. I would have stayed up with you all night had I known how to save a life.

It’s like one of those bad dreams when you can’t wake up. Looks like you’ve given up, you’ve had enough, but I want more…

I’m still alive but I’m barely breathing, just Praying to a God that I don’t believe in. What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you? I’m falling to pieces. They say bad things happen for a reason, but no wise words are gonna stop the bleeding.

Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor…. And I wonder if I ever cross your mind. For me it happens all the time. It’s a quarter after one, I’m all alone and I need you now, and I don’t know how I can do without, I just need you now.

When’s the day you start again, and when the hell does you’ll get over it begin? I’m looking in the mirror but I don’t fit my skin. Cause I still don’t know how to act, don’t know what to say. I still wear the scars like it was yesterday. But you’re long gone. But I still don’t know where to start, still finding my way, still talk about you like it was yesterday. But you’re long gone. I’m barely used to saying me instead of us. The elephant in the room keeps scaring off the guests. No I can’t keep thinking that you’re coming back, and it’s going to be hard.

I just want to be ok.

And you ask me what I want this year and I try to make this kind and clear, just a chance that maybe we’ll find better days.

I've been robbed!!

I’ve been robbed! Something so precious was taken from me and it is absolutely irreplaceable.

On our wedding day he sang to me “Forever’s as Far as I’ll go”. Yet he isn’t here with me now and that just isn’t ok!

We had a saying, “80 on a porch swing”. It was our way of saying we were in this for the long haul. We were supposed to get struck by lightning and go together. Neither of us wanted to be the one who was left alone.

Now I’m here and he isn’t. How is this fair? How is this ok?

I keep trying to move forward and in many ways I have. But I have come to realize there is a part of me that is forever his. There is a hole in my heart that only he can fill.